I am very neurotic and insecure, but I am also very melodramatic. After really thinking about whatever emotions provoked my earlier post, I figured that I may have overreacted a tad bit. I had a mental rundown of all the women I have had some type of relationship with and came to the conclusion that while I haven't been as lucky with women as I would like, I am far from being a lost cause. And that's always the case with me. I go from one extreme to the next. One day I think I am God's gift to women and the next day I am Quasimodo. I guess a lot of my anxiety comes from the fact that I'm 22 and I haven't really had a lengthy, meaningful relationship, while majority of the people around me have. I don't want to rush anything, but I am getting kind of antsy.
Lately, I have been hearing a lot about timing. Timing is everything, right? Just being an adult is hard, add in the necessity for companionship, it is damn near unbearable. Maybe if I had a better idea of what I wanted, then my existence could be a little more fulfilling.
What's more important love or lust? For me, it's love. Always has been. Sex is wonderful, but it's not that meaningful. I desire a deeper connection, I long to be understood. My need to be satisfied physically isn't as important as my need to be satisfied mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
And to find that deeper connection, I have to take my time. It's not something you can rush, it has to be natural. So in the meantime, all I can do is live and learn.
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